People-Pleasing Is Selfish….3 ways to stop it

I’m guilty of being a people pleaser.

It sounds noble, right?

“I just want everyone to be happy.”

“I don’t want to rock the boat.”

“I’ll take care of it - it’s no big deal.”

But let’s be honest: most people-pleasing isn’t about them. It’s about us.

We say “yes” too quickly, avoid hard conversations, and overextend ourselves...not to serve others, but to protect how others see us.

We’re not really trying to make people happy.

We’re trying to make people like us.

People-pleasing often comes from a place of fear - not love.

• Fear of rejection.

• Fear of disappointing others.

• Fear of not being enough unless we’re easy to get along with.

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But when fear drives our decisions, we don’t lead… we perform.

Here’s the hard truth: people-pleasing isn’t selfless - it’s actually selfish.

It puts our desire for approval above honesty, health, and growth.

So how do you know if you’ve slipped into people-pleasing?

Here are three ways to catch yourself:

1. Pause before you say yes.

Before you agree to help, take on one more task, or avoid saying no, ask:

Why am I really saying yes?

Is it love or fear?

A yes rooted in fear leads to exhaustion and quiet resentment.

A yes rooted in love brings peace and purpose.

2. Pause before you avoid.

Avoiding hard conversations isn’t compassion... it’s self-protection.

If you're silent because you want to be liked, you're not leading... you're hiding.

Healthy relationships grow through truth, not avoidance.

3. Pause when you feel unrest.

When your inner peace disappears, it’s a signal.

If you're constantly overwhelmed, anxious, or stretched thin, ask yourself:

Am I doing this out of love… or out of the need to be approved?

Here’s the bottom line:

True leadership serves others… not your image.

True love tells the truth… not just what’s comfortable.

So next time you feel the pull to please, pause and ask:

Is this love or is it fear pretending to be kindness?

What's next?

I have a new keynote!!!!

After months of working with a speech coach, I have a new keynote and I'd love to share it with your team.

It's "The Intentional Leader: 5 ways to WIN! at home and work"

Reach out if you want to invest in your team!

Thanks for reading and sharing with others!

-Cory

www.corymcarlson.com

www.rise-community.com