November 5, 2019 Cory Carlson

Is Your Enneagram Number Helping or Hurting You at Home?

The Five Capitals leadership team has done an incredible job building an Enneagram workshop for businesses. Just in the last couple of weeks, we have had the opportunity to help the Duracell North American Leadership Team (see LinkedIn post here), as well as the leadership team for Aruna, a non-profit that makes high-quality athleisure bags. (FYI – a great place to buy gifts for your loved ones this Christmas season…plus help an amazing cause.)

Although Duracell and Aruna teams are radically different in size and scope, the Enneagram workshop is effective in both places. Our workshop allows each person to better understand themselves, as well as their team members. Participants leave the workshop with the confidence of who they truly are, including awareness of their shadow side. This new found intelligence helps leaders step into how they were uniquely and wonderfully made. In addition, participants better understand ways ‘to’ and ‘not to’ communicate with their coworkers, creating a more empathetic, trusting, and efficient culture.

Enneagram works in business, what about home?

As I conduct these workshops, I often find myself sharing how this affects us at home, since leaders need to thrive at both home and work.

Based on your Enneagram number, below is a brief summary of areas to lean into, as well as to watch out for:

Number 1: The Perfectionist – Be wary of the pressure you put on your kids to get perfect grades and to do chores perfectly. Encourage your kids to start something even if they fail. Sometimes ‘done’ is better than perfect or not done at all, and your kids need to know that good enough can be OK.   

Number 2: The Helper – You are incredible at helping others. Although it is done out of love, you may help so much that you enable your family members, stunting their personal growth. Do not help your family so much that you forget to take excellent care of yourself, such as getting to the gym, or going to bed at a decent time.

Number 3: The Achiever – Do not always talk about work or school. Go play. Have fun. Celebrate completing a task, semester, or big school project. If you are constantly talking about the achievements or goals accomplished, then your kids will think that is the only measure of their lives. Kids need to know that they can just go play and they need to see you relax, too. 

Number 4: The Artist – You are naturally creative, but maybe your child is not. Encourage your kids to explore their creativity and to pull out their uniqueness. Find healthy opportunities for them to be unique and wonderfully made, instead of always conforming. However, provide some guidance because they don’t know enough about the world.

Number 5: The Sage – You like to learn, so encourage your kids to learn as well. Don’t force it upon them, because they may not like learning as much as you do. However, don’t let your learning get in the way of being present with your kids or spouse. Yes, there is a time for learning and tinkering on your hobby, but not always at the expense of family. 

Number 6: The Loyalist – Sixes are fantastic parents because they are always thinking about the ‘what ifs?’ for their kids. What if they don’t make the team? What if they don’t get asked to the dance? Done in a healthy way, kids are prepared for many scenarios. However, when done in an unhealthy way or when a good outcome happens, if it is not celebrated, then kids can develop a fear-based mentality. 

Number 7: The Enthusiast – As a seven you like to have fun. It’s great for the family as you pull out the playful puppy mode by coming up with fun ideas and activities. Sevens know how to make any experience fun. However, seven parents, if they are not careful, will try to turn a sad event into a fun activity. This can teach a ‘fleeing’ mentality. Instead, allow your kid or spouse to sit in their sadness and thoroughly acknowledge their loss. 

Number 8: The Challenger – Healthy 8 parents can be very successful in leading a family because they are very protective of their inner circle. However, an unhealthy 8 can be both commanding and demanding. 8’s often struggle with showing vulnerability and weakness. When this happens, kids may learn that it is not good for an adult to cry or to talk about their feelings.

Number 9: The Peacemaker – 9 parents are very helpful as they can relate to all family members and understand each person’s perspective. However, as a peacemaker, they may struggle to stand up for themselves or initiate healthy conflict. They also may not be helpful in making decisions for fear of rocking the boat. 9’s need to make sure they don’t allow their kids to walk over them.

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If you are looking to grow more in your leadership at home and work, check out my new book, Win at Home First. This book was #1 Amazon new release in 3 different categories, and appeared in FORBES as ‘7 Books Everyone on Your Team Should Read.

Thanks for your support and let me know if I can help you grow!

Cory Carlson

Cory Carlson is passionate about connecting people to greater performance and more significant purpose. Cory's competency of extensive sales/marketing and team development mixed with character of helping people have greater impact allows him to transform businesses and their leadership. As the leader goes, so does the company...and home. Cory's professional experience includes being President of Sales for national contractor, interactions with private equity ownership, boardroom meetings, to sales call with sales personnel. Coaching experience ranges from one-on-ones with CEOs/Executives to team workshops/retreats. If looking for holistic growth, let's connect!