August 14, 2019 Cory Carlson

How to overcome tension in your marriage.

Holly and I rented a car recently for our 20th wedding anniversary trip. We knew this vacation was going to be special.  We were celebrating 20 years of marriage.  3 awesome kids. 3 different cities we have lived in. A handful of different careers and now a new entrepreneurial path of being a coach, author, speaker.   Plus overcoming some major lows (read the intro of Win at Home First to learn more about one of our lows), plus reliving successes we have had.

When we rented the car, we asked the agent if they had any free upgrades to help us celebrate our 20th anniversary.   Unbelievably they said ‘yes’!  At no additional charge, they rented us a high-end SUV with less than 100 miles on it!

There is an enemy….and it is not your spouse.

We were well on our way to celebrate our anniversary in style.   However, after our lunch, we were quickly reminded of how the devil comes to ‘steal, kill, and destroy’ our joy and happiness.   

As I was pulling the car forward and out of the parking spot, I still had the car in reverse! Instead of the car going forward, it went backward. Crash!!  I damaged the brand new back bumper of our rental car. 

I don’t know if the devil can cause wrecks, but I do know the devil can cause our emotions and reactions to flare up.   

Holly and I both tensed up after the wreck.   We got out of the car and looked at the damage to our car.  We had all kinds of thoughts going through our head at the potential cost this would be. As we drove away from the accident, we were not the same couple that landed just a few hours prior. 

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We were both on edge. Scared of the cost. Worried about the consequences. I was mad at myself.  I am sure Holly was mad at me.  We were both disappointed, mad, concerned, etc.   

Call out the enemy.

After about ten minutes of this stressful drive, Holly called it out.  The devil was trying to ruin our 20th anniversary.  Stealing our joy.  Making us mad.   Taking our eye off the celebration and onto something small and temporary.

I agreed. Right then and there, as we were driving, we prayed off this spiritual warfare attack. Almost immediately it was lifted.  We were back to ourselves. Back to celebrating our marriage.

Throughout the next few days, as we celebrated, we talked about the car.   At times we laughed about it.  Other times we wondered what the cost would be.   However, never getting angry or frustrated with each other. Instead, we were in it together.

Don’t worry about it, instead pray about it.

As we drove into the airport on our final day to return the car, we started to get nervous again about the cost of the damage.  We prayed for favor on our return.  Prayed the damage expense would be minimal.   

To our surprise, and I am still in disbelief, they waived it. No additional charges.  No additional paperwork.  Off the hook. Granted I reminded them a few times it was our 20th anniversary.

Now the point of this blog is not that God takes away all consequences from poor decisions or mistakes.   Not at all. I completely believe in consequences (random fact, one quick Google search of ‘what does the Bible say about consequences”, yields 49 different Bible verses!)

This blog also doesn’t mean that if there are consequences then God doesn’t love you (or me…because this won’t be the last dumb thing I do).  

Be in the fight together.

However, I am saying we all have spiritual warfare attacking us, especially our marriages.  So next time, you feel you and your spouse are out of sync and headed down an argumentative path, then call it out.  Pray off the spiritual warfare.  Don’t just try and brush it under the carpet.  Don’t just try and ignore it.   It will not go away quietly.  

Also, praying about it, brings you closer together!  

Thank you for reading.

BTW – the picture is not our rental car. I didn’t want to put that picture out there in case the rental car company changed their mind 🙂

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Cory Carlson

Cory Carlson is passionate about connecting people to greater performance and more significant purpose. Cory's competency of extensive sales/marketing and team development mixed with character of helping people have greater impact allows him to transform businesses and their leadership. As the leader goes, so does the company...and home. Cory's professional experience includes being President of Sales for national contractor, interactions with private equity ownership, boardroom meetings, to sales call with sales personnel. Coaching experience ranges from one-on-ones with CEOs/Executives to team workshops/retreats. If looking for holistic growth, let's connect!